The Struggle is Real
This is a post that I thought I’d never make, but I feel as though holding it in won’t fully allow me to let go of all past things plus I want to speak up about this in hopes to help someone else going through the same things I’m experiencing.
To some of you, you already know, but for most of y’all…
A few years ago, I felt myself feeling sad all the time. Unhappy and angry were the two words used best to describe me. I was just trying to chalk it up to having a bad day or just trying to deal and cope with the way I was feeling on my own. Growing up I wasn’t one to express my feelings, so this was nothing new. Dealing with something else on my own.
My days were starting to be more bad than good, and at that point I reached out to a friend at the time who was seeing a therapist at the time to get her input on how she likes therapy and such. I’ve always had a negative impression on therapy and talking to a stranger ordeal, so I fought against sitting in front of a complete stranger and telling them what’s going in my life and worse, my deepest and darkest secrets. Yeah, it’s scary, but to be honest, it was the best decision I made. Talking to that “stranger” who I now claim to be in the top five people in my life, changed my life. I’ve never wanted to become dependent on medication either, which is another reason why I was so against seeing a therapist. I was diagnosed with both anxiety and depression. Since then, it’s definitely been a work in progress. Mental health is not something to play with nor should you feel ashamed about. Don’t hold those thoughts in, girl. Speak! Get it out. Bottling everything up is the worst possible thing I ever did.
I thought after a year of improvements (mood improvements and overall sense of happiness), I’m good. I don’t need to take medicine anymore. So I stopped. I stopped seeing my therapist as well. I figured “I could do this all on my own. I don’t need it!” I had a good few months after I stopped taking it before I felt myself sinking again. Falling into a dark cloud that I thought I couldn’t find my way out of. I felt worse than I have ever felt. Every day was a constant battle. Pushing myself to get up, get dressed, go to work. I didn’t want it. The only reason why I didn’t give up and won’t is my little man. He kept me going through it all, and still is. He is my WHY.
I’ve been routinely seen my therapist and started on my medicine again a few months ago at this point, and I feel better. I’m taking it day by day. Trying to just live in the present moment. I struggle with figuring out what the future holds instead of going with the flow of life. I get so worried on trying to control every little thing, and I’m so unhappy. I have a new sense of motivation and my creativity skills are back in action.
Seriously. Please speak up if you’re feeling symptoms of depression and anxiety (DM or E-mail me, let’s talk). Some can fight it on their own, but some can’t, and that’s okay. We are all different. What’s important is that you’re taking the steps to live your best life. That’s all you can do. Do what makes YOU happy.
Reach out for help so you can live your best life. What I can leave you with from this post is: It’s going to be okay. It gets better. It doesn’t last forever. Keep that head up, pretty girl. You’re stronger than you think.